It's an odd thing, the EPA. (Equity Principal Audition, for those of you not versed in the lingo) Because actors are numerous and opportunities few, the line fills up rather quickly. As a result, if you want to audition at a specific time, you have to get there early. As in, two hours before the call early. Which leaves you with two or more hours to contemplate all your life decisions (as one does early in the morning) on the sidewalk. Alternating between awkwardly leaning on the cement wall and sitting on the free AM New York paper on the ground, I encountered a lot of interesting people. There are, of course, the other actors in line, but also the homeless, the scattered drunks still out and about from a night of debauchery and the confused 9 to 5ers wondering what a little blonde lady is doing slumped on the sidewalk with a backpack the size of her entire body. Here are some of the more memorable conversations (awkward of course) I had with them.
Drunken guy: oh hi.
Me: (ignoring him on my phone)
Drunken guy: What did we do before phones, right? No one had little buttons to push. (Looks over my shoulder) What are you doing, Facebook?
Me: (polite but awkward laugh that says leave me alone)
Drunken guy: You are out late, huh?
Me: No, up early. We're waiting for an audition.
Drunken guy: Well you are going to book the job for sure. You want a coffee? I'm buying.
Me: No thanks.
A girl waiting next to me had a Tinkerbell bag. A homeless woman approaches her.
Homeless woman: Woohoo! That is a great bag!
Girl: Oh, thanks. It was a gift.
Homeless woman: (Bending down closer) What is she? She got wings?
Girl: It's Tinkerbell.
Homeless woman: That b&*$h stole my wings! (Gets in her face) Give me back my mother*$#@ing wings!! (slowly saunters away)
And my personal favorite.
Homeless man: B&%$h, why your feet wrapped up like that?
Me: (ignoring him)
Homeless man: Look at me!!
Me: (Looks up)
Homeless man: Those are some crazy feet. Why are they wrapped up like that? Walks away, muttering to himself about my feet. (photo of the foot "wrapping" below)
Drunken guy: oh hi.
Me: (ignoring him on my phone)
Drunken guy: What did we do before phones, right? No one had little buttons to push. (Looks over my shoulder) What are you doing, Facebook?
Me: (polite but awkward laugh that says leave me alone)
Drunken guy: You are out late, huh?
Me: No, up early. We're waiting for an audition.
Drunken guy: Well you are going to book the job for sure. You want a coffee? I'm buying.
Me: No thanks.
A girl waiting next to me had a Tinkerbell bag. A homeless woman approaches her.
Homeless woman: Woohoo! That is a great bag!
Girl: Oh, thanks. It was a gift.
Homeless woman: (Bending down closer) What is she? She got wings?
Girl: It's Tinkerbell.
Homeless woman: That b&*$h stole my wings! (Gets in her face) Give me back my mother*$#@ing wings!! (slowly saunters away)
And my personal favorite.
Homeless man: B&%$h, why your feet wrapped up like that?
Me: (ignoring him)
Homeless man: Look at me!!
Me: (Looks up)
Homeless man: Those are some crazy feet. Why are they wrapped up like that? Walks away, muttering to himself about my feet. (photo of the foot "wrapping" below)
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